Hiding in Plain Sight | Imposter Syndrome

You take a deep breath and push open the door.  

The interview panel looks you up and down.

Appraising you. Judging you. 

You take your seat and clear your throat. Your tongue suddenly feels like sandpaper and sweat is collecting at the back of your neck.

You try to smile.

The woman in the middle looks like she just bit into a lemon.

The guy next to her looks bored. 

The third one has started staring out of the window.

They already know you’re not the right person for the job. They knew it before you walked in. 

They were appalled at your CV, and they’ve been wondering whether you were shortlisted by mistake.

They’re definitely going to laugh at you when you leave.

No, you’re not having a bad dream. 

You’re just suffering from Imposter Syndrome.

We’ve all been there. 

Whether it’s a job interview, a date, a presentation. Cripes, I get it sometimes going into Waitrose.

There are lots of reasons why this awful trickster worms its way into our brains. 

Insecurity, perfectionism, childhood trauma. 

Hands up who grew up with a parent who compared them to their sibling?

If this was the case for you then you’ve probably got an inadequacy demon smouldering away in the back of your psyche. And no matter how many accolades and external reassurances you get, you’ll never be good enough for that guy.

Or maybe you’re one of those people who thinks they need a shiny certificate before they’ll be taken seriously?

I refer you to Steve Jobs and Bill Gates.

Both college drop outs.

Richard Branson left school at 16.

Maya Angelou studied dance but is more well known for her writing, activism, singing and acting. She was even a movie director.

So there.

And what if you’re a perfectionist? 

Someone who thinks that everything they do has to be 100% bang on? 

All. The. Time. 

No mistakes, no wavering, zero room for error.

But it’s not actually possible to get everything right all the time. No matter how much experience or knowledge you have.

So, you know, stop it.

And what about the other monster? 

The one that creeps its way into the brains of even the most well adjusted normals among us. The thing that says everyone else is doing it right. 

Doing it better than you. 

Yeah, I’m talking about social media. 

The curated photos, the pristine posts, the #blessed (hastag f**k off).

I’ve done it too. 

When I was in my thirties I posted my fair share of disgustingly grandiose updates from my highlight reel, while sitting there in my wash day pants stuffing stale pizza crusts into my face.  

When I finally got spat out into my forties I’d pretty much stopped using social media altogether. 

And I was happier for it. 

But then I set up as a freelance copywriter and had to go back. Back into the gaping jaws of insecurity and negative comparison.

The first time I tried to post on Linkedin I cried. 

True story.

I sat there and blubbed like an idiot because Linkedin felt like a party no one had invited me to. But I’d crept in anyway wearing the wrong shoes, carrying a bottle of Blue Nun and a packet of reduced price Mini Cheddars.

Suddenly I was 13 again with a 90s perm.

But I eventually got over my fear of posting on Linkedin. 

Once I realised that everyone on social media is made of exactly the same stuff as me. 

And everyone has their demons (yes, even your cousin who keeps posting pictures of herself meditating under a waterfall. Especially her).

The fact is, most people are winging it and just haven’t told you.

So now that we’ve established that you’re just like everyone else, let’s take a look at some of the things you can do about the bully in your brain.

Know thy enemy.

Spot it when it rears up. 

I created a cartoon for mine. 

I imagine it as a small, stressed out creature, like something halfway between Spongebob Squarepants and a yellow M&M (that’s just mine, you do you). 

Because it looks so stupid it feels much easier to flick the little sh*t into the long grass. 

And it reminds me that it’s just a voice in my head, not a truth about who I am.

Get practical.

Look for evidence. 

Remember that woman in the interview panel who looked like she’d bitten a lemon? 

It’s entirely possible that she was thinking about something else, or perhaps she was just trying not to fart. 

Fact is, you have no idea what was going on in her head. But it’s unlikely it had anything to do with you. 

You self absorbed monster, you.

So don’t make assumptions. Check things out. Ask yourself logical questions. 

Start a good list

This is my favourite part. 

Get a special notebook just for this. Pick one in your favourite colour or something.

And write down every bit of positive feedback you get. 

All of it. 

Because your brain will happily forget the good stuff if you let it.

And if there are things you need to improve on, because there always will be, then go ahead and improve. 

Simple.

Okay. Then what?

If all else fails, say these three small but very powerful words…

Okay. Then what?

You’re going to fail!

Okay. Then what?

You’ll look stupid.

Okay. Then what?

Everyone will laugh at you.

Okay. Then what?

You’ll lose everything (just watch as the threats become more and more absurd).

Really, everything? Okay, then what?

And on and on until that voice in your head wears itself out.

Then go and do something nice with your day.

No one cares

Because the fact is, no one really else cares what you’re doing anyway. 

And I say that with love. 

No one cares.

So just do your thing. Learn your thing. Then do it better. 

There will always be someone ahead of you who knows more, and someone behind you who knows less.

But ultimately, we’re all winging it. So whatever happens, you’re among friends.