Don’t Be a Dick | The Case for Empathetic Marketing

I walked out halfway through a workshop a few weeks ago.

It was one of those free events where you get a taste of something valuable, in exchange for your time listening to a shameless pitch. 

We’ve all been to these, we all know the drill.

And I have zero issue with this kind of transaction. 

But there’s one thing I have no time for.

Fear mongering.

This particular room was filled with small business owners who had come to get a taste of a marketing system that apparently got results. 

Let me be really clear on this. 

The room was full of small business owners.

About an hour into the opening spiel, the speaker gave us a statistic about how many businesses fail, and how many small business owners commit suicide in their first 5 years.

My jaw dropped.

There will have been people in that room who were struggling to get leads, people who were worried about how they were going to feed themselves and their families next month. 

And this guy steps up and starts threatening suicide.

Up until that point I’d been intrigued. I’d been seriously considering what this company had to offer.

But in that moment, this company lost my trust, my respect, and any chance of me ever wanting to work with them let alone recommend them to anyone else.

Where do you draw the line?

Granted, this is an extreme example. 

All marketers need to decide where they draw their own line when it comes to fear-based sales tactics. But in this particular example, the guy poured petrol on the line, set fire to it, and threw ashes in the face of anyone with half a soul.

And it wasn’t just me.

Several people left the workshop with me during the break.

The thing is, fear-based marketing will get you results.

As we were leaving, a handful of people were queuing to sign up with this company. 

There’s no doubt about it, fear works.

When we perceive a threat, the human brain gets hijacked by the amygdala, triggering the fight or flight response and overriding our rational brain. Hence the urge to take action and buy the thing. 

But at what cost?

It can cause people to lose trust in your brand. 

Fear based decisions can also bring regret later once the rational brain kicks back in. 

And it’s a dick move.   

So what should we do instead? 

I’m glad you asked.

Empathy-Based Marketing

Empathy-based marketing or empathetic marketing goes right back to the simple idea that you need to really understand your customers and what motivates them. You need to climb into their shoes and see the world from their perspective. 

Then you interact with them in a way that makes them feel seen and heard.

Instead of fear, you rouse their excitement and optimism.

Like the This Girl Can campaign from Sport England. Speaking as a female, they nailed it.

When people feel seen and heard, they’re far more likely to stick around to hear what you have to say. It also fosters trust, provides fertile ground for connection, and plants the seeds for lasting relationships. 

Now, doesn’t that sound much better than a bunch of people signing up to work with you because you scared them shitless?

So how do we do empathy-based marketing?

1. Listen

Whenever I get on a call with a potential new client, I’ve already looked at their website, their social media, and I’ve made notes. 

Then I set my notes aside and forget them.

I ask the person on the call what their goals and priorities are, and I listen to their answers.

Because their online presence only tells me where they are right now. It doesn’t tell me where they want to be, why they want to get there, or what’s currently getting in the way. 

I’m only going to find that out if I take a step back and create space for them to step forward. 

So don’t assume you know what your prospects need. And don’t just wait for your chance to speak so that you can dazzle them.

Really listen. As if what they have to say matters. 

Because it does.

2. Offer to help, don’t sell

We all know when we’re being sold to. 

And we don’t tend to like it. 

We can feel that the other person is driving their agenda and doesn’t really care about what we need. We’re either instantly repelled, or we feel pressured into doing something we don’t want to do. 

So offer your help. Tell people what you can do then leave them alone to make their own minds up.

This means understanding that they know best about what they want and need, and it’s not your job to ‘persuade’ them.

It’s about making your product the best it can be, highlighting the benefits and getting it in front of the people you think it could help.

If you get this right, the right people will buy from you. 

The others are not your customers. They were never meant for you.

3. Have some tact

The first time I saw one of those Mother’s Day opt out emails I scoffed. Why would Beauty Pie be emailing me to ask if I wanted to unsubscribe from marketing emails about mother’s day? 

Bit much.

Then I had coffee with a friend who’s going through IVF. The thought of never having a child literally keeps her up at night, and when mother’s day rolls around she wants to hide under the duvet with her fingers in her ears.

That’s when it landed for me.

You could say that sending an email offering an opt out is a trigger in itself. But when my friend gets an email like that she feels seen. She feels like she matters. 

She feels like she’s a valid member of the human race and that people care about her pain.

She’s also reminded she’s not alone. 

So, have some tact.

4. Authenticity

I’m yet to find anything that builds connection more than authenticity. 

It signals to people that we are trustworthy, and what they see is what they get. It gives them an idea of what it might be like to work with us. Not to mention that most people can smell insincerity a mile off.

So be up front with your values, live them, make sure your customer service and your company culture reflect them. 

Like the Allbirds Better Together campaign. During the pandemic, Allbirds gave their customers the opportunity to donate a pair of shoes to frontline healthcare staff. At the same time Allbirds donated over half a million dollars to the cause. They walked the walk.

So decide who you are as a company and be that. 

Wholeheartedly.

Because relationships are a two way street

I believe relationships are all we have. So, aim for a genuine connection, from a place of authenticity and respect.

To quote Tad Hargraves from Marketing for Hippies, ‘maybe you don’t have a limiting belief, you have a conscience’.

And if you’re still not sure, if this has left you with more questions than answers, there’s a simple trick you can use to make sure you’re not crossing the line in your marketing.

Ask yourself, would I want to be treated this way? Would I want my loved ones to be treated this way?

If the answer is no, then don’t do it. Simple.

And if all else fails, if you’re still wavering, just don’t be a dick.

For an example of empathy-based marketing, here’s one I made earlier. 

If you need help with yours, give me a call.

And I’m nice, I hope you are too x

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